Abundance and Enough

I can't remember who said this, which podcast I heard it on, or even if this is actually what they said...so maybe I'll just claim it as my own. Haha, if I actually got it right and it's yours and you somehow end up reading this, please let me know because I'd be happy to give you credit.

"I can't be a perfect parent, but I can do my own work."

I want SO MUCH to be a perfect parent. I want to be intentional with every moment, and perfectly handle every conflict, and make the most of every opportunity, and plan the perfect balance of fun, training and relationship, and find the perfect structures for discipline and responsibility, and model perfectly life with Christ, and live out the perfect marriage, and perfectly order my priorities...and all the other versions of perfect that you can think of.

No really. I live every day trying to hit all these things.

And I live every day feeling like a spinning top, the speed of my spinning carrying me in wandering circles of too much and not enough, until, overwhelmed and empty, my spinning runs out and I fall. Spent, yet with so little to show for it.

And maybe that's not fair. My kids are incredible. Clearly, by the utter grace of God, something has worked. Something is getting through. And though my efforts fall far short of the perfection that I'm aiming for, the effort is paying off.

But when I heard these words: "I can't be a perfect parent, but I can do my own work," I wondered if maybe I was approaching my parenting from the wrong side. Maybe instead of finding all the right ways to DO parenting, it would be more effective (and probably more efficient) to find the right way to BE a parent.

Sure, I've heard it before. "[Fill in the blank] is caught, not taught." Responsibility is caught, not taught. A relationship with Jesus is caught, not taught. Character is caught, not taught. I get it. But I think when I considered this motto, I always thought it meant that I had to get my mess together so that my kids could catch all that right stuff from me. But I still set my standard for perfecting my living so that my kids could see and therefore catch it all.

But what if, instead of perfecting my living, I simply have to work on my heart? Okay, I said *simply* work on my heart. HA, there's nothing simple about heart-work, but maybe it will feel like less senseless spinning.

Could this work? Instead of trying to perfect my chores routine and fit this routine into my current daily rhythms of work and family and play and rest so that I can model it for my children and then subsequently work a daily chores routine into their rhythms too so that they can one day leave home contributing members of society who know how to clean their own toilets and do their own laundry...what if instead of ALL of that I could *simply* work on decluttering my heart and detaching from materialism and simplifying my lifestyle choices and disciplining myself to spend 30 minutes a day cleaning and decluttering instead of binge-watching or overeating?

Really??? This is the choice?! That doesn't seem like it could work...AT ALL!

[hysterical laughing]

There's no chance I have enough energy - or time or attention - or, did I say, ENERGY to do that kind of work as often as I'd need to in order to make a difference in my home, much less in my children's lives. I don't have nearly enough...

. . .

Sneak peak into my writing style. Most of the time when I sit down to write I have an idea or two, but I don't really know where they'll take me or even sometimes, how they'll connect. That was the case today. Two ideas, with a sense inside that they were connected, but that I'd have to explore a bit to discover the connection. So I start writing, and the process of getting my thoughts and feelings on paper brings clarity and order and illuminates connections. This is my process of discovering truth.

Sometimes the discovery of truth is like a sun rising - gentle and slow and steadily growing brighter and brighter until it, at last, peeks over the horizon and radiates warmth and light.

Other times my discoveries are more like barreling smack into a glass wall that you didn't even realize was there. One minute you're walking along, minding your own business, and the next minute you're picking yourself up off the floor.

Today is the latter.

So pardon me while I finish brushing the dust off.

"The opposite of scarcity is not abundance; the opposite of scarcity is simply enough." ~ Brene Brown, Rising Strong

Let me remind you what I was saying...before I hit my glass wall: I don't have nearly enough.

I walk around with this mentality that I don't have nearly enough. Sometimes (when I'm being honest, so don't tell) I admit that I walk around believing that I am not nearly enough. I live this one life I've got believing the lie that I have a scarcity problem. That if only I had more time - an abundance of time - or more energy, or more mental space...if only I had abundance, then I could find that place of not just doing, but of being enough.

If I had abundance, I could do my work, and give my kids the enough that they deserve.

But Brene says that the opposite of scarcity is not abundance - it is simply enough. And her words have the sting of truth to them, don't they?

"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9.8

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4.19

Oh snap. Abundantly...all things...all times...all that you need...abound...in every good work. All your needs...according to the riches of his glory.

I will *never* have abundance. I don't have the capacity for it. I'm a leaky vessel and all the good just keeps seeping out.

But I do have enough.

Because God has met my need in abundance, I can have enough. Because God has met my need in abundance, I can be enough. Enough for my children. Enough for my husband. Enough for my friends. Enough for my mom and my sister and my dad. Enough for my students and co-workers and teammates. Enough for my chores and systems and mess. Enough to do my heart-work.

Is the right way to do parenting the systems-and-modeling method, or the do-your-work method? Heck, I have no idea. Honestly, it's probably both. I cannot rely solely on the systems method - and I definitely won't model the right stuff - if I'm not willing to do my own work. But I don't think just doing my heart-work is going to get my kids very far in the practicals of learning responsibility for their own space and their own bodies, either. But what I do know (now, thanks to that glass wall) is that in all things, I have enough...and I am enough.

Because Christ meets me in my failing systems with His abundant mercy. And Christ covers my flawed modeling with His abundant grace. And Christ shows up to my valiant efforts at doing my own heart-work with His abundant transformational and healing power. Because of His abundance, I can live in the place of always enough.

Lord, help me to always lean into your abundance and live in this place of always enough. Correct me when I try to stand in my own strength and catch me when I crumble under the weight. Teach me to rest in your abundant grace and wait on your transformational power. Give me wisdom to know when to teach systems, when to rely on modeling, and when to "simply" do my own work. And when my efforts and ideas fail, I trust you to faithfully and diligently teach my children all they need to know to live their own lives of abundance and enough.