Overflow

Most girls are ready for a ring long before their boyfriends are. I wasn't. I remember long conversations my now-husband and I had while I was still in school about what it was I was waiting for before I was willing to take that next step. One of the things was God - specifically, His vocational call on my life.

I knew my husband wanted to do full-time college ministry. And I was beginning to love that idea too. But I wanted, and needed, God to call me specifically to ministry rather than follow the man I loved into it. It turns out He did, and it turns out that that has been a call and a promise that I have fallen back upon, or in some cases, been dashed upon many times over.

Right now it's more of a dashing upon. You see, I LOVE being a stay-at-home mom. Don't tell anyone, but I have even begun to love housework. I love being with my 3-year-old and 8-month-old from sunup to sundown - yes, even when they take every ounce of energy from my exhausted body. I love having my little-girl buddy with me every step I take, "helping" with every task. I love that my little man thinks that the best place to be is in my arms, right in the middle of what I'm doing. I love when my sweet girl asks for a song before bed, just about when I think I can finally put my feet up for the evening. I love that my little guy thinks that every second is an eternity when he's hungry and I'm trying to put three different versions of dinner on the table.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.

Well, in less than 24 hours from right now, I have to go back to work. (By work, I mean 5-10 hours/week work. My real work is still at home.) The college students move in to the dorms, and our semester begins - with a vengeance.

About two weeks ago, if you would have asked me if I was ready for the summer to be over and the semester to begin, I would have replied with some very emphatic version of NO. In fact, I was scared of it.

You see, I had been LOVING our summer. Daddy was able to work from home more and have a slightly more relaxed work schedule, and I really didn't have much work stuff to do at all. I got to catch up on house stuff, play more with my kids, take a vacation or two, and just relax more in general. (Okay, we all know that the reality version of this would still seem like boot camp to the pre-kids versions of ourselves.) But it was lovely. The idea of having to start a new semester and enter into the busiest season of ministry for us, spending time on campus and figuring out how to make that work while still nursing my son, knowing my husband would need (and want) to spend long hours away from home because this is what he loves and what God has called him to do - it was really the last thing I wanted. I wasn't ready to give up my time and my husband to the work God has given us.

But God reminded me that, indeed, this is my calling too, right alongside my calling to be a mommy and wife.

So I did what any normal wife would do: I sent my husband off to pray about it. Because that was way easier than me praying about it myself. And in typical God fashion, He showed the abundant grace of responding to me in my evasion. He met me right where I was.

My husband came home from His time with the Lord with a verse that he thought was for him. Fortunately, it was just as much for me too.

"Now he who supplies seed for the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God." 2 Corinthians 9.10-11.

This verse is great because it has all those make-you-feel-good phrases. God will supply. God will increase. He will enlarge the harvest. We will be enriched in every way. Butterflies and roses all around. But my husband pointed out something that did more than made me feel good - it gave me peace.

To those of us who seek to sow into the hearts and lives of others, God supplies that seed. He daily gives us what we need to live so that we can engage in His kingdom work. When we obediently and faithfully do the day-to-day work of loving people, He will bring forth the harvest. But this verse also says that He will increase your store of seed. This is what I had been afraid of. Daily pouring out my heart in relationship; daily giving away my time with my kids so that I could spend it with students; daily giving away my husband to this ministry. I was clinging so tightly to my family, my husband, my time because I was so afraid of giving too much of it away. But this verse says that God will not only supply my needs, but he will also increase the store. He will increase what's left over. I will never run out. I can give and give and give, and there will still be more left. More husband.  More precious moments with my children. More vibrant life. What a generous God we serve. Abundant grace.

But in this promise also came a requirement - a scary one. "You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion." God gives us this abundance SO THAT we can continue to give. I must continue to give away my husband - his help at home, evenings with him after the kids go to bed, lazy Saturdays in our pjs - and simply trust that there will be more left over, that there will be enough for me.

But over and over and over again, God has shown His goodness. He has been more than faithful to provide for my every need and well beyond. He is a God who pours out and never empties. He did it once on the cross, and He's done it every day in my life. I will obey. I will pour out the things most important to me, and trust and wait and watch Him fill.

Overflow.